Santa’s Safety Report
Dear North Pole Insurance Team,
Honesty is my policy. So here goes...
Every Christmas Eve, I embark on a magical... yet perilous journey to deliver gifts. Despite our meticulous planning and preparation, there are always a few surprises each year that keep me on my toes.
Every year, something comes up—moments when the night almost goes sideways. Flying around the world can be risky business. Sometimes flocks of birds take to the skies at the same time as we’re flying, making it tricky to navigate my sleigh.
Then there's the weather. Rain or shine, snowstorms or strong winds, we go. These conditions can be a handful, even for a seasoned flyer like me. Strong winds are the biggest challenge. We can’t have presents flying out of the sleigh like they did in the Christmas of 1991.
Risky roofs are another concern. Any weather condition can make a roof slippery. Heck, Even a dry roof can be slick and hard to walk on. It's a balancing act for me to deliver gifts without waking anyone up. And roofs come in all shapes and sizes. Trust me, I’d much rather be on the roof of a short rancher or a Cape Cod than a three-story Tudor!
Years ago, we used to use roof scaffolding. We built a special contraption on the bottom of the sleigh that would open up and hook over the roof’s ridge to hold the sleigh on steep-pitched roofs. I also have a harness in the sleigh... that I rarely use. There’s also a tool called the Goat, which is lightweight and hooks over the ridge, giving me something to hold onto on steep roofs. But, to be honest, by now I've seen every roof scenario. You could say I’m too comfortable up there, but we’ve learned a few tricks for challenging situations.
Over the years, there have been moments when I truly feared for my life. I've never fallen, thank goodness. Through trial and error, my trusty elves have worked hard on new inventions to make my job safer. Gifts are important, but they aren’t worth risking injury. If I got hurt one Christmas, millions of kids wouldn’t get their presents. I don’t take those chances anymore.
My Santa suit is now fire-resistant to protect me from those homes where the fireplace is still lit on Christmas Eve. I have a quick-fitting respirator for smoky chimneys, and my Santa hat has a Bluetooth connection to Mrs. Claus. It’s also a certified hardhat—I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hit my head on a fireplace lintel.
Angie Elf developed the sleigh's first radar system. Now I have a good idea of what I’m flying into... 500 miles in all directions. Rain, snow, or the occasional “bird gang”—we stay clear of geese. Some of those honkers are nasty!
Raven Elf engineered a hovering system for the sleigh. I can tell you, that sleigh weighs over 400 pounds when it’s empty and on the ground. But Raven figured out how to make it light as a feather, so it gently floats above rooftops. No more roof scaffolding, no more roof damage, and no more roof claims. Now the sleigh can just hover next to those hard-to-reach chimneys.
Desmond Elf has been in charge of reindeer training for the past 17 years. He’s set up a top-notch training facility because the Christmas delivery run is exhausting for them. It’s like running 172 marathons back-to-back in one night. They have to be in tip-top shape each year. Even our substitute reindeer—lesser-known deer like Basher, Lancer, Ponder, and Dixon—get plenty of rest before the big night. They’re always ready to go. They never complain… except Vixen. She’s quite the handful.
We've changed our delivery logistics over time. Thanks to a team of a dozen Elf coordinators, my sleigh isn’t overloaded with millions of gifts at once. The elves say that’s how they used to do it when the original Santa started this one-day delivery tradition. Now, every 2,000 houses, we have a reloading station planned into the schedule. In each state, we have hidden alleyways, deserted factories, or airports for a quick pit stop—snacks for the reindeer, espresso for me, repairs if needed, and a gift reload. Then we’re off to the races again.
The last couple of years have been relatively accident-free, other than a run-in with a dog named Eli or the sleigh snagging Christmas lights off a few houses. My crew and I have been lucky, but we’re always conscious that safety is key to a magical night every December.
Sincerely,
Saint Nick.
P.S. A special thank you to the North Pole Insurance Team for having my back (and my sleigh) every year. You all help keep the holiday spirit safe, and I couldn’t do this without knowing I’ve got you covering…well, all the surprises that may… come my way.
